WHISPER: Syd... I stole my roommate's designer sweater to make some cash!!

 Q: Syd... I really fucked up. I’ve been in a rough spot financially. I stole my roommates designer sweater to sell, in hopes of getting money off it. The problem is, he found out it’s missing, he confronted everyone in the house, including my best friend. Long story short, he knew it was me and I had to admit it in front of everyone. Since then, my best friend has been kinda acting weird and I feel like she’s isolating me.

I tried to ask her what’s going on but she just says she’s fine. But I know her all too well. I should’ve never did what i did. Lying and stealing isn’t in my character and I feel awful. I need advice on what to do with my friend. Should I just leave it until she comes around? Or talk to her about it? We’re going on vacation together in two weeks with our other friends & i don’t want things to feel weird between us. I miss my friend a lot.




A: Anonymous Sweater Bandit... My dear friend, I think that I don't have to tell you where you went wrong here. The important thing is that you recognize the misdeed you have done against your roommate, and you are showing remorse for your actions. True liars, cheats, and thieves don't take the time to submit an anonymous form on the internet for advice, because they simply do not care. It is entirely clear that you were experiencing tunnel vision and absentmindedly threw your logic, rationality, & morals out the window. When you live in self-preservation / survival mode, this is what ends up happening.

Now, when it comes to your best friend, we need to put ourselves in her shoes here to really understand what's going on and how to proceed. Your best friend likely has thought extremely highly of you in the past, right? If you are shocked by how out of character this is for you, imagine how your best friend must feel. The truth of the matter is, when something like this happens, it doesn't just create trust issues with the person you stole from, but it also creates trust issues with the people around you... Especially the ones who love you.

She thought she knew you better than anyone. If she didn't expect this behavior, from her point of view, what else might you be hiding? What else doesn't she know about you? These are obviously just inferences, but your best friend is likely questioning if she can feel safe in this friendship with what she has just found out. If this is truly the case, your best friend should have communicated that she needed space and/or time to process and discuss the matter with you. However, since she's not doing this, we're only left with assumptions.

Moving forward, you may want to consider asking your best friend if she is comfortable having a discussion about what has occurred here. If she agrees, you can ask her how she feels about this, what she is concerned about, why she has been acting off lately, etc. Though, it's essential to prioritize actively listening to her right now. If she has questions or things she would like to get off her mind, let her get it off her chest and give her the emotional space to feel however she feels. It is crucial to make this discussion more about her and less about you at this moment. You will get your chance to explain yourself.

Finally, if she says no, you have to respect her wishes and wait for her to come to you. Pushing her to speak with you will only widen the gap between the two of you right now. You could also ask if she is comfortable with you giving her a letter if she doesn't want to have a conversation at this point in time. Again, if she isn't, it's best to completely leave it alone. At that point, you'll have done your part.

It's time for you to focus on your emotional healing and reflect upon why you were acting so out of character. You need a game plan for how you are going to cope or solve problems in desperate times / circumstances, without hurting anyone else. Let this serve as a very valuable lesson to you, to stay true to who you are. I'm certain that the feeling you feel right now is much worse than the feeling of not having enough money. You aren't a bad person, you just made a bad choice.










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Disclaimer: I am not a mental health or medical professional. I am not responsible and will not be held liable for any actions taken following my response to your question. I am only one person, and this is just one perspective.