WHISPER: Syd... I feel like my boyfriend is hiding something. What do I do?

Q:   Syd, I’m questioning a few things but I mainly wanna know if my current boyfriend is keeping or holding things from me. We tell each other mostly everything but I feel that there are some things he isn’t telling me and I also have things to say to him but I can’t find a way to tell him in the right way . I don’t want him to be ashamed of my questions but I wanna know if I’m being too insecure or saying the right thing.

A:   Hi, love!! It definitely sounds like you have found yourself in a place of stagnancy and suspense. This makes me think of "The Hanged Man" Tarot card, as well as the "2 of Swords". You don't have all the answers, you don't know the truth, but you don't even know how to find that truth... So you feel entirely helpless in your circumstances. I have been in this position myself, as well as probably a majority of the people reading this have. You may feel totally stuck right now, but I'm here to let you know that that is truly not the case. 

    When we are close with a person and highly in tune with their energy, a lot of the times, we form some sort of psychic connection (which goes both ways). Therefore, being as close as we are with our romantic partners, we can sense when there's something off, regardless of what that something is. However, we can't always sense whether this is truly an intuitive sense or if it's a case of anxiety / fear in the relationship. 

    I don't fully know your relationship or your situation, so I obviously cannot give you a guaranteed answer here. Though, if this is something you feel in your gut, that has been pressing you for weeks on end or more, this is likely your intuition. If this is something that drives you crazy on and off, comes in the form of intrusive thoughts, etc. this is likely a case of anxiety at play here. Sometimes, we can actually experience both of these things. If this is so, the anxiety follows our intuitive sense, as we begin to second guess ourselves / our inner knowing. 

    

    How you are feeling is valid. Your fears and worries are valid. It makes sense that you don't want him to respond / react negatively to your questions, and that you don't know how to fully speak on what has been on your mind. You may feel confused right now, but you should give yourself props for looking at all angles of this situation. You are considering that this could be your insecurities coming out, that this could be intuition, that you don't want to come off as accusatory, how you should express yourself, etc. This does show that there is some level of critical and rational thinking going on here. 

    Know that you don't have to take action right this second, but you also don't have to continue holding this in if it's truly eating at you this much. It sounds like you need to invite him to have a sit down conversation. Here are some key points you may want to consider making to get the conversation flowing and to hopefully get the answers you need:

1. You are not intending to accuse him of anything

2. Ask him seriously, if he has been okay lately, if there is anything on his mind he needs to talk about

3. Let him know that you feel like something is off in the relationship, and you'd like to figure this out together

4. Express that you have some things you have been holding in, explain that you are afraid to discuss it and don't know how to quite communicate it properly

5. Remind him that you appreciate how open and honest your relationship is

    Finally, when it comes to expressing your side of things... Write it out on paper, even if it is completely jumbled, scrambled, and makes no sense. Getting it out of your head and onto paper will allow you to start slowly making sense of how you feel. Remember that you don't have to perfectly communicate how you feel to him, and that in the moment, you may be able to find at least some of the words that you haven't been able to as of lately. You can practice and prepare expressing this to him before you actually do so, but don't overdo it and psyche yourself out further. It's essential that you go into this conversation with an open mind, but to always trust your gut. 

    

   Initiating this conversation is likely the most significant obstacle in this specific "battle". Once the conversation begins flowing, matters should begin to make more sense. Sometimes, the anticipation is truly the worst part of it all. You can only do so much preparing before you actually do something. Be intentional in your conversation, and recognize when either of you are getting too emotionally worked up, as that is not the best time to have such a delicate conversation.

    You got this!!!!!

    - Syd

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Disclaimer: I am not a mental health or medical professional. I am not responsible and will not be held liable for any actions taken following my response to your question. I am only one person, and this is just one perspective.